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And such as it is to be of these, more or less, I am

серпень. 11-е, 2009

10:45 pm - 404 Error - This site has moved


липень. 30-е, 2009

10:50 am - Click, clack...but no moo. :(

I have nothing against doctors as homo sapiens and their choice of profession, but I do not like going to see them. They make me antsy with their "I have to make sure" and "test for this and that" mentality, their morality which includes a feeling of sticking needles and other objects into the skin and orifices of another homo sapiens, and their unfortunate job of having to relay the bad news, well, is it any wonder I dislike being around them. Such a noble pursuit, but people like me hate them...as you may have guessed, I have an appointment today. For which I am missing work. This is the third time in about a month; they are going to think there is something direly wrong with me. But as long as I can work and am not endangering my co-workers with my radioactivity...
Thinking of transfering to the National University of Ireland in Galway. How mad would you be, Jack? I am pretty sure I could not get in with my current academic record; it's not exactly shining, with nothing done and a GPA below 3.3. Maybe towards this semester's end, in that two-month hiatus I have, I will apply. It would be nice, and (you'll never believe it) cheaper. Indeed, even with the Euro nearly twice-ousting the dollar, it would be cheaper for my family if I was schooled abroad. With the amount of times I have heard of money problems in the household - even for little things), I am considering it.
Sean and I. Sean I-do-not-know-how-to-make-an-equal-sign-with-a-strike I. Sigh. Poetry.
Relatives hanging out at the house = not cool - not making me happy. I am not fond of these relatives.
Went to go see My Sister's Keeper at Dinner & a Movie, but a fire alarm went off during the climactic scene, we were evacuated into the pouring rain, and seeing how neither Mom nor Grammy ate their food, which I was supposed to pay for (since I was the only one who had enough money - another financial issue rising), we stiffed. :) Serves them right - terrible service and no leadership.

Current Location: work desk
Настрій: hungry for pasta
Зараз грає: Toby giggling in the next cubicle

липень. 24-е, 2009

03:09 pm - Did you mean recursion? Did you mean recursion? Did you mean recursion? Did you mean recursion?

Manhunter is a 1986 thriller film based on Thomas Harris's novel Red Dragon. Written and directed by Michael Mann, it features Brian Cox as the popular character Hannibal Lecter (although the character's name is spelled "Lecktor" in this film) and stars William Petersen, Joan Allen, Kim Greist, Dennis Farina and Tom Noonan. The cinematographer was Dante Spinotti who also served as the director of photography on Red Dragon, the 2002 film version of the novel.
(from Wikipedia)

From what I've heard, the portrayal in this movie is creepy in a different way - that Lecktor is a charming, affable fellow. I suppose I'll have to trust my source..or you guys could let me know, since I'd never watch it :) Even just reading the synopses of the series was a bit too creepy for me.
Working at Mannix, 'tis lovely. I can pick my nose in my own office, easy access to the kitchen, learning some very useful skills (I can now use DreamWeaver, which Jack should know about) and garnering some good praise and resume builders. Psyche.
Feeling happier. Keeping busy I guess is the best thing for me...I cannot be lazy. I mean, I can enjoy a day by laying in the sun or just read a book, but if I find myself doing nothing - and there is a difference there - I can get very stressed. Music and excersize also pacify me; the requisite four mile back-and-forth between work and home each day helps, especially when accompanied by music, and today I should be taking a long bike trip, to which I am looking forward.
Writing? Hmm...not as much. I have not been writing down my dreams lately, but I re-read Erinyes and was working it out in my head, and if nothing else the plot is rather clever and intricately woven. I really should work more on that and if anyone wants to know I will give you the current plot (it keeps changing, day by day, but it's good!)
Actually looking forward to going back to Boston this year. I aim to undo all the mistakes of last year - I REALLY need to get back into theatre. This 1year hiatus has not been good for me. At least, I need to do SOMETHING - I really did nothing last year. And, as evidenced, this does not seem to do good things for me.
Looking at foreign universities for grad school, just as a leg-up into a foreign country. Right now Trinity College and Trinity University College are my top choices. I would love to have an actual campus - looking at UAlbany and their amazing campus in New York, I feel quite a bit of jealous and almost regret for not having that incredible scenery.

Current Location: work
Настрій: waiting
Зараз грає: screaming children

липень. 14-е, 2009

08:41 pm - MUSACK!

Rhymes with John Cusack...

Because I'm like that.

Somewhere - Within Temptation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6aqBvedQvE)
Angels - Within Temptation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK9qfVQ4Z04)
Khuda Jaane - Bacha Ae Haseeno (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B60zgr-Phc4)
Love Story - Taylor Swift (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wRkoGKQ8qQ)
Aaja Nchle - Aaja Nachle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRx5ydV1IfI)
Babe - Styx (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPjtb_5JGg0)
Higher Love - Steve Winwood (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdTHa8m1EFo) OH 80'S MUSIC VIDEOS!!!
(There's Gotta Be) More to Life - Stacie Orrico (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUOcQnWbk_U)
Pretty Woman - Kal Ho Naa Ho (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Hdjp1lEeWU)
Bad Boy - Cascada (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWTep01xZQs)
Ladki Kyon - Hum Tum (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg16MnwpYzY)
Dulhania - Dolsti (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkqgVk5eQwA)

червень. 20-е, 2009

11:38 am - "I was like a frickin' holocaust victim..." "Except not as emaciated."

Broken Love
MY Spectre around me night and day
Like a wild beast guards my way;
My Emanation far within
Weeps incessantly for my sin.

‘A fathomless and boundless deep,
There we wander, there we weep;
On the hungry craving wind
My Spectre follows thee behind.

‘He scents thy footsteps in the snow
Wheresoever thou dost go,
Thro’ the wintry hail and rain.
When wilt thou return again?

’Dost thou not in pride and scorn
Fill with tempests all my morn,
And with jealousies and fears
Fill my pleasant nights with tears?

‘Seven of my sweet loves thy knife
Has bereavèd of their life.
Their marble tombs I built with tears,
And with cold and shuddering fears.

‘Seven more loves weep night and day
Round the tombs where my loves lay,
And seven more loves attend each night
Around my couch with torches bright.

‘And seven more loves in my bed
Crown with wine my mournful head,
Pitying and forgiving all
Thy transgressions great and small.

‘When wilt thou return and view
My loves, and them to life renew?
When wilt thou return and live?
When wilt thou pity as I forgive?’

‘O’er my sins thou sit and moan:
Hast thou no sins of thy own?
O’er my sins thou sit and weep,
And lull thy own sins fast asleep.

‘What transgressions I commit
Are for thy transgressions fit.
They thy harlots, thou their slave;
And my bed becomes their grave.

‘Never, never, I return:
Still for victory I burn.
Living, thee alone I’ll have;
And when dead I’ll be thy grave.

‘Thro’ the Heaven and Earth and Hell
Thou shalt never, quell:
I will fly and thou pursue:
Night and morn the flight renew.’

‘Poor, pale, pitiable form
That I follow in a storm;
Iron tears and groans of lead
Bind around my aching head.

‘Till I turn from Female love
And root up the Infernal Grove,
I shall never worthy be
To step into Eternity.

‘And, to end thy cruel mocks,
Annihilate thee on the rocks,
And another form create
To be subservient to my fate.

‘Let us agree to give up love,
And root up the Infernal Grove;
Then shall we return and see
The worlds of happy Eternity.

‘And throughout all Eternity
I forgive you, you forgive me.
As our dear Redeemer said:
“This the Wine, and this the Bread.”’

William Blake

Current Location: home for the time being
Настрій: great
Зараз грає: Your Love : The Outfield

червень. 10-е, 2009

01:19 pm

News from our Wiki agent
~Rose Francine Rogombé is sworn in as Interim President of Gabon (coat of arms pictured), following the death of President Omar Bongo.
~ At least 11 people are killed and 46 others injured in a bomb blast at the Pearl Continental Hotel in Peshawar, Pakistan.
~ Royal Dutch Shell settles a lawsuit for US$15.5 million over its alleged involvement in the executions of nine people, including environmental activist Ken Saro-Wiwa, in Nigeria.
~ Indian students stage protests in Melbourne and Sydney against the recent attacks on Indians in Australia.
~ Denmark, the Faroe Islands and Greenland vote in favour of abolishing male-preference primogeniture in their Act of Succession referendum.

Poker Face is like crack. It is not good for you, but so addicting.
Hmm...interesting song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpnWgCVfAxw Tell me what you think. I was disgusted at first, then I admired the stoic irony.
Sean and I are back together. Though he is investigating another lead, so to speak. No worries there. I am bitter, but I do not fear her. Hell hath no fury.
Working for two days now. It is alright - always doing mundane tasks, mostly corporate housekeeping. Sorting the filing cabinets, copying contracts, updating sites, sending out statistics. The only thing I do not like is that the boss asked me to do a few interviews, which I do not feel quite comfortable doing...some of these people, I believe, are in Saratoga, so I am not sure how I could do that on work time. Hmm. Will have to ask Chris about it.
I just noticed that the news above spelled (is spelt not a word?) "favour" the English way. Funny. US Word says "THAT IS SO WRONG".
Ben got yelled at today for being irresponsible. He really is, the chap. but he will learn, I am sure.
What the hell is Sammy barking about?
Sean goes back to Boston today. K Car finally got her man - which is great, but I did not particularly enjoy hearing all the sensual details. I know as someone who has been there before that there is a great need to disclose them, but now I know how uncomfortable I made my listeners. Though I did promise I would do it only that one time...and now Lili and I only mention it in comparison, and Gibbs I only asked once for reference.
Jack, you are never around but you do nothing. Get back on livejournal.

Настрій: uncomfortabledepressing
Зараз грає: Fafa : Vieux Farka Toure

травень. 26-е, 2009

08:44 pm - You shook me all night long.

So you know who that man is, pointing his fingers in his eyeballs.
David Tennant (born David John McDonald; 18 April 1971) is a Scottish actor. Already a well-known theatre actor, Tennant achieved wider fame for his TV role as the Tenth Doctor in BBC's Doctor Who as well as in Casanova and Einstein and Eddington, and his film role as Barty Crouch, Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. from wikipedia

Called a man from Mannix Marketing who e-mailed me about a summer researcher position- was not there; I left a message. We will see how that goes. In about two days I will be going to what my Dad calls a 'mixer' and I will see a few of the employees. Probably the best job prospect I have ever had (besides the job prospect from bilumi). Is his name also Chris? Oood...
Otherwise, not much else going on. Job search still unfruitful (though if you apply to blockbuster you get a free month of Total Access), thinking of applying to food joints soon. SubWay, the Circle of Fast Food...
Sean graduates soon. Trying to decide if I want to take the train down early or ride with his family. Most likely I will go early, though it may be a little strange if I got a job just before that.
In the meantime, watching and enjoying Sammy and some movies. The Abduction Club was not that good, Einstein and Eddington was better but not by much. In any case, youtube lets me watch what Netflix and Blockbuster cannot provide.
It is chilly out today. I was going to swim, but now I am nervous that it will be like yesterday when I tried to and was so cold that it was difficult to swim well; I had to do some warming excersizes before I could do laps.

Настрій: ...
Зараз грає: Abacab : Genesis

травень. 19-е, 2009

02:56 pm - God it is good, the loving, is it not good tonight? You have not seen anything yet.

English: sex
Francais: sexe
In italiano: sesso
En Espagnol, Em portugues: sexo
Chinese: 性
Japanese: 性
In het Nederlands: geslacht
Auf deutsch: Geschlecht
Greek: φύλο
Korean: 성
Russian: CEKC

The Korean word actually makes sense, if you think about it.

Is today Livejournal's tenth birthday? Because if it is I have been with lj for half of its life...wow...
My love for David Tennant has resurfaced. :D:D:D I have, for the past week, been having imaginary exploits with him, but I did have to eventually return to Sean. Emoticon excluded. If either of you are interested (which you are probably not) he is in these two cool short movies called 9 1/2 minutes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKGFOBHh9ZM Why does this computer not have youtube saved on the bar? Oi) And Sweetnight Goodheart (Which has the best ending ever : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnW_Et6H7wQ If you recognize the girl it is Kate Ashfield, Liz from Shaun of the Dead). I have had a crush on him for a while, I have probably already mentioned him a million times...he is also in all my icons. Shut up you know you have obnoxious celebrity crushes too.
I now have over 150 movies on my Netlix list. Let the hurricanes begin! Especially with the current movie industry, there is nothing good that came out really for a while (though Harry Potter Six looks kinda awesome, not gonna lie. How does Jack feel about that Dumbledore-juicy movie?)
Waiting for Kate to come by, she was supposed to at ten and now it is 12:23. Hmm. We were going hiking, I hope it is not canceled because I was looking forward to that. Ah vell; if she does not show up by 15:00 I might just go run/bike myself. So HAH.

Настрій: hott
Зараз грає: Fallen from the Sky : Once

травень. 14-е, 2009

02:45 pm - It is a long way down to nothing at all. You have got to get yourself together.

Tum Se Hei - Jab We Met http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0ql3DsYt34 From the dramatic lighting change until the end of the song, It is ALL in his head.
Dayyan Dayyan - Dil Ka Rishta http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_HYW-RtZkE I wish my school could put on charity shows like this...
Sajaan Sajaan - Dil Ka Rishta http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am89rl05T6g One of my favorite songs...
Aajab Si http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qdxryQB0nU I really love this movie... the first half takes place in the 70's, it is a pastiche, there is some true-life stuff, the music is amazing, there is reincarnation - after you see a few other Bollywood movies, watch this one.
Dard-e-disco - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDGq66brGbU Making fun of Bollywood...usually it is the actresses who have to do the water scenes, but this time it was the man. He is playing a famous Bollywood actor and the scene is him filming a dance scene. Dard-e-disco means "pain of disco"; the dance scene is supposed to be showing his character's character's inner suffering. The bells at the end when he is scared by the fire are the theme of his former life, where he watched his love burn nearly to death and he himself was burnt nearly to death, then was thrown out of a building by an explosion, then hit by a car. Layers...
Deewangi Deewangi - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5jmgHahnG0 There are over 32 Bollywood cameos here, most of the women have been in movies with Shah Ruh Khan, the lead actor of Om Shanti Om. They are mostly doing dance moves from their most famous movies...he touches the feet of the elders, or bend down like it, as a sign of respect. Tiernan says that the older lady in the green dress (who used to be a big sex symbol) looks like a Disney witch. 'Deewangi' roughly means crazy. The old guy with the glasses at the end makes the character remember his past life.
Main Agar Kahoon - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxuKnE9eJwI Nothing is more romantic than hanging out on movie sets in the 70's.
Jag Soona Soona Lage - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaqO1HdLVUM
Dhoom Taana - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ApO0WqLZqA This is cool - they took famous Bollywood movies of the 70's and digitally added the actors in - hence some fuzzy, and some clear. Did you enjoy the manscarf?
Dastan-e-om-shanti-om - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-Be79SMXJY And this is basically the premise for the entire movie...

Настрій: indecisive
Зараз грає: Song for Ten : Neil Hannon

квітень. 26-е, 2009

04:42 pm - When it rains, I do not pretend to be happy, I do not even have to try.

Italiano: sofferenza
português: sofrimento
español: sufrimiento
日本語: 苦労
Chinese: 痛苦
Dutch: het lijden
Auf deutsch: Leiden
French: douleur
Ελληνικά: βάσανο
한국어: 질고
По-русски: страдание
Gaeltacht: fadfhulangach
Cymraeg: dioddef

Still hacking away, though much better. Voice subdued. Unhappy. out of tissues, on to toilet paper. Another bad breakdown yesterday. Still unsure of what to do about them. Hungry. Non-eating day. Maybe the secret is to supercede rules when I need to? But when do I need to? I distrust my own capacity for self-discipline
No more running for a while...out of places to do it. Lots of walking, however. Once per meal. And always walking to Sean's, if indeed I do consent to go there. Am getting a bit annoying that I do so often, and I can count on one hand the times he has come here. A little distancing might be nice. He does fuck a little with my sanity. Not knowingly, of course, but just going over there does, since it throws off the routine. Made me feel better, but then like incredible shit afterwards. Perhaps it is escapism - I feel good with the pressures and burdens of responsibility lifted off of me, but they fall down harder when I return...yes, I should not go. I had this resolution before, and I am angry with myself for not keeping it.
Stomach rumble. Angry bitter feelings. Cold, windy biting feeling of lonliness, like I used to feel every time I visited and left Gardner. The world is growing away from me, and I so enjoyed being near it. Well, I suppose I am off to Walden...

Настрій: unhappy
Зараз грає: Nobody's Side : Chess

квітень. 13-е, 2009

09:35 pm - How long were we apart? A month, a week, a day...to feel your touch again, you've never been away.

Musical Recommendations, pick and choose
Crimson Tide - Hans Zimmer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBTIoL5vaOM) We should see this movie, Jack - it's got submarines
Prayer of the Children - All State Choir (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPiXxy3D2nI)
Lost! - Coldplay - Viva La Vida (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv2YGVtQTak) Ooooh, both songs...
Devil's Arcade - Bruce Springsteen - Magic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAp4VXryCDk) Sorry none of these are exciting yet...we'll get there...
What's Goin' On - Salaam Namaste (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toVL8YKDDOM) Huzzah! Finally something! Some pregnant dancing!!
Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMv9E9F6zwI) You proably know this song...I love it.
Faithfully - Journey - Greatest Hits (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKorl7Ouht0) REALLY CHEAZEY 80'S LOVE BALLAD. LOVE IT. OR ELSE.
My Dil Goes Mmm - Salaam Namaste (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPRAVPHN_WM)

Being a bit immature and not returning the phone calls from the counseling center. I don't want to do that; it feels like a waste of time.
Hungry. Out of snacks besides mass amounts of chocolate/popcorn/jellybeans and what's remaining of my vienna fingers and Cheez-Its. The former are annoying because there is no serving size written on them, and that's how I like to eat things; just one serving. Apple today was not very good. And I have to eat another one :( I really want a grilled cheese.
Mmm, food.
Yesterday, my mom and brother came down to visit. Sean and I met them (after some grumbling and walking) at the zoo, which was great fun. It was near closing, so a lot of the animals (the lion especially) were hungry and complaining. I love zoos a lot, and my mom does too. Sean seemed entertained. I really want to take him to the Washington Zoo someday. You all need to go. It's AMAZING. Put it on your to-do before I die list. Anyways, was fun; it was nice to hang out with Sean, be outdoors, see some animals, and visit the zoo that I hadn't seen yet. We went out to Cheers afterwards, and got some decent food - I was not very fond of the pasta; 'twas green with too much pesto and strange other adds.
I keep pressing ctrl+s out of habit after typing...
I miss Jack. We need to do something once you get yourself out of that hole of work.

Настрій: hmm.
Зараз грає: You Can't Take Me : Bryan Adams

квітень. 2-е, 2009

09:14 pm - I am going to be the main event, like no king was before.

Hare coursing is the pursuit of hares with Greyhounds and other sighthounds, which chase the hare by sight and not by scent. It is a competitive sport, in which dogs are tested on their ability to run, overtake and turn a hare, rather than a form of hunting aiming at the capture of game. It has a number of variations in its rules around the world. Informal coursing can be a true form of hunting. It is often conducted to kill game or vermin, mainly for food, and occasionally as a form of gambling. Coursing is a long established and almost universal hunting technique, practiced historically with Greyhounds, other sighthound breeds, or with lurchers which are crossbred sighthounds, and working breeds. The sport grew in popularity in the UK and Europe during the 19th century, but has since experienced a decline due in part to the introduction of Greyhound racing and betting. In recent decades some controversy has developed around hare coursing in the UK and USA, with some viewing it as a cruel bloodsport and others seeing it as a traditional activity that assists in the conservation of hares and tests the ability of sighthounds. Since 2002, hare coursing has been banned in Great Britain but continues elsewhere in the world as a regulated and judged, competitive sport, especially in the Republic of Ireland and Spain, as well as in Russia and the Western United States. Elsewhere, in Eurasia for example, coursing continues as a classic form of hunting. ~ from Wikipedia

Man, going home really messes me up. Totally different eating/sleeping/excersizing schedule. Going back tomorrow will be difficult, but when you have to do it, it gets done.
I hate my writing class.
Kate having boy problems.
Celebrated Dad's birthday early. Hardly seems to get excited about gifts. I really try - I got him a nice pen with a golf club on it, in a nice box...last year I think I gave him frames with pictures of him and I when we were younger. He left it on his table for a while. Left the pen too. Huh. I bet he does not even think it might hurt me a little. Our relationship is so strange. So silent. Driving home tomorrow will be odd. Maybe I will try to talk the whole way. We are just so different...he so analytical and political and I so...I dunno. Not, I guess.
Finished my first act to a seven-act play. Based on my life now, and the concept that writing a thesis could turn into a sort of affair.
Sean included me in his acknowledgements, which I found sweet. Spelt my name incorrectly, however (you would think he would know by now).
I really need to buckle down and work. Especially now that there is a place I found to work alone (huzzah for recycling rooms!) The only downfall is that there is a motion-sensor light that turns off every few minutes, but a small price that is for solitude.

Настрій: sing-y
Зараз грає: At the Barricade (Upon These Stones) : Les Miserables

березень. 17-е, 2009

09:48 am - No matter what we are, we are a family. This dream is for all of us. This one can be real.

It is more than you, it is more than me
~ Mauricio Funes is elected President of El Salvador.
~ Space Shuttle Discovery is launched from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, USA, carrying solar arrays to the International Space Station.
~ A fire at the Bashundhara City shopping mall in Dhaka, Bangladesh, kills seven people and injures 50 more.
~ At the close of the 2009 National People's Congress, Premier Wen Jiabao of China expresses concern about United States Treasury Department securities.
~ American businessman Bernard Madoff pleads guilty to the largest investment fraud in U.S. history.
~ An outbreak of meningitis in several West African nations kills at least 930 people and infects 13,500 more.

We will start today and backtrack....
Ate some ice cream, caramel, chocolate chips, and various soda/juice combinations. Have to get in all the crap before the next month, when I am sworn off of it!Have gained weight and lost libido. Grr.
Managed to get myself to class. had to skip Ethics in order to get my schedule together so that after I went to the Women in Entrepreneurship and wrote down some notes and quotes to use for the piece I am writing for 'The Other Tradition' and I went to my second advisor meeting, I would be prepared. all for naught, really, that stage was about asking questions and I had none, it was pretty set. Right now the schedule looks like no Friday classes, and at least TR has consecutive classes (MW grr).
Had my first advisor meeting, where I was informed that if I take another introductory course it will not count, and that my psychology gen ed is taken care of. Honors students have priority registration, which is really awesome. Emily found out that she is not going to the castle because of her gluten allergy, so if she is stuck with a double I offered myself as a roommate. My housing day is not until Friday, which shits a little. Mom said she would talk to my doctor to see if we could wrangle a single on account of my Aspergers ("Aspergers is a funny animal). Dr. Bashir told me I could come and pick up my accomodations letter today. Or maybe yesterday. I just...AKHHHH IT IS TOO MUCH!!!!!

Настрій: troubled
Зараз грає: Son of Man : Phil Collins

березень. 8-е, 2009

02:45 pm - There are days every now and again I am okay, but that is not what gets me.

Rhyming in Uncertainty
There is a silence here that I cannot explain
A doubt of what I'm sure of, and a fear of going on
The needle skips and we hear this doleful refrain
I used to know the melody and words to this old song
But now I stand uncertain where ground once was firm
And starving for what once I had in leisurely excess
The once clear truth is now too troubling to discern
What once came to me so easily now causes duress
My clandestine abilities have gone to naught
Clouded in uncertainty I stand in fear of the world
I feel the creeping dread that I have not learned what is taught
And what had once protected me is now unfurled
They say everyone says this, stands at the gallows
They tell you to dive headfirst, though the landing is so shallow

I am falling for Eddie Izzard...in this craze of comedians, I really like him. What gets better than an English transvestite comedian? He is far more entertaining than Larry or that other guy that swears a lot...cannot remember his name...I think it starts with Jack and has a 'D' afterwards...
Montreal tomorrow. A little nervous. Mom very nervous about me traveling alone.
Food break!
Ate the rest of the cool Whip...probably not a good idea...but it is actually not as bad as one would think - two scoops are only 15 calories. So ten are only 150, which is not that bad. Huzzah! I think I had quite a bit more than that, however...fasting in order?
New eating habit (I am fucking with them). Eating three times per meal - something small, each an hour apart. A snack at three, and I can eat whatever from 15:00-16:00, but I must complete a workout between each snack. so far...well I have only been doing it for a day and have messed up twice. It will work better when I do not have to deal with people.
Brush teeth? Need gum!
So yeah...was about to say that Sean and I were not talking but then he messaged me. That boy has cues!!! We were having issues (see earlier entries) and I decided we needed some time apart (voila! Spring Break). Apparently, he tells me here, he was expecting one of us to break the agreement. Grr. He exasperates me in a happy way sometimes.
Yay mailman? Illegally stealing stamps!
Stealing Stamps, Out.
P.S. Why is my 'hungry' emocon a flower getting rained on? That does not signify hunger to me.

Настрій: hungryhungry
Зараз грає: Move : Dreamgirls

березень. 5-е, 2009

12:24 pm - Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to. In my life we will always go on.

That song is so badly rhymed.

"You had a reporter in your bedroom?" J Brech

"Frickin' yeah, dude!" J Brech

"Mark Twight is like, Ralph Nader meets Chuck Norris in the mountains." J Brech

"I was coming to disturb you, but you're already disturbed." A Non

"I seriously wouldn't do that because I seriously believe he would have a heart attack and die." J Brech

"I think I would shit my pants." J Brech

"Was your brother tall like you?" V Zur
"No...Six foot." J Brech

"I think it's a word...Bush used it." J Brech

"The nonsense will not continue." E Chap

"I only have time to watch TV while I'm folding laundry." DWB

"'Subs' are latin for clueless." J Brech

"iPod crackdown 2007." J Brech

"I think they were exciting. They were sick, though." E Gui

MIDTERM OVER! HUZZAH! Having trouble controlling dietary habits. Not huzzah. Counselor meeting tomorrow. Not huzzah. CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES TOMORROW! HUZZAH! Hair frizzy. Not huzzah. Back sore. Not huzzah. No workout yesterday. Not huzzah. SEEING SEAN TODAY! HUZZAH! LEAVING FOR HOME SOON! HUZZAH! GOING TO MONTREAL! HUZZAH! It just keeps going on...
I need to stop thinking about food. I do now, almost all the time. Could be that I chew gum an it sort of stimulates the appetite because the stomach thinks you are eating something...or because I am trying to regulate everything so I think about it...hmm. In any case, I am gaining weight :( or have gained weight :( or am losing muscle mass :( or all three :'(. I cannot wait for the warmer weather so I can run, and going home also means I have the Y to run in. YES!
Showering every other day. Good for hair and skin. I can feel the difference in my hair at least. It also gives me 15 extra minutes in the morning when I have to get up early. I shower on the class at 13 days. Which reminds me, I need to write down that I have a conference for my paper tomorrow at...noon? ish? Cannot remember. Oh well...I guess that I will just show up. Although, where is it? His institute office? hmmm...ummm...ah vell.
Looking at coupons in coupon book. Shopping ones fairly useless, food ones USEFUL! Beauty ones really useless.
Sabrina's guitar fell over...

Настрій: back hurts
Зараз грає: Love is a Question Mark : Taboo

березень. 4-е, 2009

11:05 am - Frightened you will slip away. You must love me. You must love me. You must love me.

Because I was listening to the John Lennon Song.

Beautiful Boy
Simple Chinese: 美丽的男孩
Dutch: Mooie Jongen
French: Beau garcon
German: Schöner Junge
Greek: Όμορφο αγόρι
Italian: Bello ragazzo
Japanese: 美しい男の子
Korean: 아름다운 소년
Portugese: Menino bonito
Russian: Красивейший мальчик
Spanish: Muchacho hermoso
Gaelic: buachaill ailleacht
Welsh: bachgen arddun

Sad news for Sean; I cannot bring him home because my family is coming down here to stay, so I will actually be here over the weekend. Thinking of bringing Jack to a pub this week (though I have a CRAVING for a burger from Fire & Ice. None of that until Jack gets back. :() Working on the midterm - going a lot better now, now that I have a system. Saw the disabilities coordinator, and he was more concerned that I was having an academic difficulty than anything that had to do with my Asperger's. Still, he said to get all my documentation, and come back and get an appointment and we would go over it. He also said to get a counseling appointment (as I said to Sean, "What the hell? Is it written on my forehead or something?"). That is Friday morning, we shall see how that goes. Project moving slowly. Finally got the gummy bears I was craving. Wondering if there are any normal Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Chip cookies. Chips ahoy suck; they are SO fake you can practically taste the chemicals. My backlight turns off when I plug in my computer. It is very annoying. Need to get my boots from Sean. Going to Montreal over the break, hopefully. Ran out of toothpaste, waiting to go home before I get more, so in the meantime I am chewing gum even more obsessively than usual (which is pretty bad). My eyes hurt, having to adjust to this crazy non-lighted screen. Have not been writing in the journal as much, probably to the betterment of my attention in class. Have realized that I need to go to bed at 21:00, not 22:00 or later. I feel so much more awake when I do that, and when I get up early, around 7:00ish, though my alarm has now changed to 7:15.
Damn this screen is killing me.

Настрій: eyes hurt
Зараз грає: Pretty Girl : Jadiel

березень. 2-е, 2009

02:13 pm - But we go on pretending stories like ours have happy endings.

Magic by Bruce Springsteen
got a coin in my palm
I can make it disappear
I got a card up my sleeve
Name it and I'll pull it out your ear
I got a rabbit in my hat
If you want to come and see
This is what will be, this is what will be

I got shackles on my wrist
Soon I'll slip 'em and be gone
Chain me in a box in the river
And I'll rise singin' this song
Trust none of what you hear
And less of what you see
This is what will be, this is what will be

I got a shiny saw blade
All I needs' a volunteer
I'll cut you in half
While you're smiling ear to ear
And the freedom that you sought's
Driftin' like a ghost amongst the trees
This is what will be, this is what will be

Now there's a fire down below
But it's comin' up here
So leave everything you know
And carry only what you fear
On the road the sun is sinkin' low
There's bodies hangin' in the trees
This is what will be, this is what will be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aB9PVUmM_4
Not the actual music video, but some fun magic tricks.
So, Sean and I celebrated our six months on Saturday. It was quite fun, we went to a movie, had a fake argument over whether or not he had told me about "The Rage on Placid Lake", which was very amusing, we saw Nausica of the Valley of the Wind, he performed in a Cabaret as I watched, very entertaining, we went out to eat, came back and fell ASLEEP. The night before and this morning we had arguments about me and my ability to drag everything. I cried, I moped, he yelled, we argued, we insulted...a grand old time. Jack and I played tennis, which was a workout. I ran from the Brattle Theatre to Adams House and back. Huzzah for excersize. I took a walk by the river finally and conceived the idea for my next story, finally using Liam, the character who has been following me around patiently for, I do not know, years maybe. I am looking forward to going home this week. Classes were cancelled today. I do work. I hunger. I despair. I am furious with myself. I shut myself in a bathroom and sang, and came out to find that Sean had listened. It was the fist time in a while I had listened to my voice and approved. The cabaret made me miss singing and performing. I discovered what I already knew, that I was not fond of 'The Fantasticks' and that view, that we must feel pain to grow. Pain comes, and we grow. The artist suffers, her work becomes better. That does not mean she needs must suffer in order to be a good artist, or to become better. One leads to the other, but they are not requirements. They happen, they are not formulaic! As I watched the Cabaret I conceived of a play that talked about growing up; I wish I could remember it now, but like many projects of mine it will most likely fade away into obscurity and then amount to nothing in the end.

Настрій: pained
Зараз грає: Maria : West Side Story

лютий. 27-е, 2009

11:16 am - They are called Bui-Doi, the dust of life, conceived in hell, and born in strife.

The Daily News
# Mutinies by a paramilitary force in Bangladesh kill at least 21 people.
# Turkish Airlines Flight 1951 crashes near Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport, killing at least nine people and injuring at least 86 others.
# The Special Court for Sierra Leone convicts three commanders of the Revolutionary United Front on charges of war crimes, including enlistment of child soldiers and forced marriage.
# An international team of scientists announces the completion of its mission to map the Gamburtsev Mountain Range beneath the Antarctic ice.
# A Taurus rocket carrying NASA's Orbiting Carbon Observatory falls into the ocean near Antarctica after a failed launch.
# A machine gun and mortar battle in Mogadishu, Somalia, kills at least 15 people and injures 90 more in the Somali Civil War.

Hungry. Going a day without food; drinking HonestAde, it is a way to cleanse the body of toxins; I am still getting the calories ai need to move around, but since Honest is made of all organic things I am not getting the toxins. Huzzah for detoxifying! And the fact that I will be able to eat tonight! (rejoices, and has to pee)
Apparently Cotton came down last weekend with a bunch of friends and no warning...must be nice to have a car.
Urg, when I charge my computer the screen goes to no backlight, even though it used to be the opposite. Quite aggravating, if I do say so myself. Also aggravating is the fact that Sabrina and John are cuddling in the room and I need to finish laundry. RAWR.
Had a weird dream last night. Too weird to explain, and it left me feeling weird still when I woke up and excersized. Could be that the fasting began last night, but still...I wonder what it is like for pregnant woman during Ramadhan. It must suck a lot...
I keep saving out of habit - noz!
Finally got a french dictionary, discouraged myself a little by how little I remembered, but I did remember some things, so I am happy. Thinking about taking an ASL course. Looked at all the courses I needed to take the other day, felt happy and in the game, in control of my life. I have advising next month, and I guess I am actually going to go this semester (oops). Also found out that the class I am taking instead of history is rather worthless, I get that credit through the Honors College. Whoops. So I could fail it and be okay...except for the GPA thing.
Speaking of failing, for those of you who are facebook slow, I got my first D. I am not happy at all, especially considering the class.

Настрій: pissy
Зараз грає: The Sacred Bird : Miss Saigon

лютий. 22-е, 2009

08:04 pm - No one can find the rewind button boys, so cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (French: Notre-Dame de Paris) [SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA] is an 1831 French novel written by Victor Hugo. It is set in 1482 in Paris, in and around the cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris. The book tells the story of a poor barefoot Gypsy girl (La Esmeralda) and a misshapen bell-ringer (Quasimodo) who was raised by the Archdeacon (Claude Frollo). The book was written as a statement to preserve the Notre Dame cathedral and not to 'modernize' it, as Hugo was thoroughly against this.

The story begins during the Renaissance in 1482, the day of the Festival of Fools in Paris. Quasimodo, the deformed bell ringer, is introduced by his crowning as Pope of Fools.

Esméralda, a beautiful 16-year-old gypsy with a kind and generous heart, captures the hearts of many men but especially those of Quasimodo and his adopted father, Claude Frollo. Frollo is torn between his lust and the rules of the church. He orders Quasimodo to get her. Quasimodo is caught and whipped and ordered to be tied down in the heat. Esméralda seeing his thirst, offers him water. It saves her, for she captures the heart of the hunchback.

She is later accused of the murder of Phoebus, whom Frollo attempted to kill in jealousy, and is sentenced to death by hanging. Quasimodo saves her by bringing her to the cathedral under the law of sanctuary. Frollo rallies the truands (criminals of Paris) to charge the cathedral. The king, seeing the chaos, vetoes the law of sanctuary and commands his troops to take her out and kill her. When Quasimodo sees the truands, he assumes they are there to hurt Esméralda, so he drives them off. Frollo betrays Esméralda by handing her to the troops and watches while she is hanged. Quasimodo pushes him from Notre-Dame to his death. He then goes to where hanged dead bodies are thrown, lies next to her corpse and eventually dies of starvation. Two years later, excavationists find the skeletons of Esmeralda with broken neck and Quasimodo locked in an embrace.

Oooh, I have not finished the book yet, so I am very much trying to avoid the last sentence for spoiler reasons. This is part of a project I am doing, where I am writing how the four French Romanances (Beauty and the Beast, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Cyrano de Bergerac, and The Phantom of the Opera) are all essentially the same story. I did a little research today because I have a meeting with my teachers tomorrow and I need to tell them something!!! I also have 3-5 pages due by Wednesday, so I guess I had better get a move on.
Impulsively went to see Sean last night. It was rather fun, and he got a call from Vin and Bo, whom neither of us had seen in a while (though for him it was since about '05). Much fun was had by all, we ate pizza, looked at the Yard, sat and talked, etc. Sean and I were disgruntled by Vin's lack of surprise when we kissed. Apparently Gibbs has been telling people and ruing the surprise. Rah, Gibba! We both want to see at least one expression of disbelief! I feel so robbed.
Helped out backstage for a show. Was at times depressing, nostalgic, invigorating, stupifying, comedic, intimidating, etc. There is an audition coming up, in workshop form, that I am looking forward to doing. I need to get an acting resume together so I can audition more, and more confidently...thinking about auditioning at Harvard, too, since it seems that nearly anybody can get a part, looking at the kind of people who got in to Sean's show. He discouraged and encouraged me today, as part of his conflicting negative nelly/concern for me attitude.
Went to the career center to work on a general resume. The woman made me a bit upset because she was worried that I had no experience and pushed me to join things. I can barely handle myself now, nevermind me + organizations! Eep! I will try, though right now is really late in the game, and some are hard to join or find the contact information for. I also need to submit my work more often, says she. Still, she was very kind and concerned. And then she recommended me for counseling, which is a whole other can of worms.

Настрій: hmmph
Зараз грає: Biko : Peter Gabriel

лютий. 18-е, 2009

05:16 pm - Out of the doubt that fills your mind, you finally find you and I collide.

Love, stand with me as I try to throw myself down
Love, tell me quietly that I see when I feel I am blind
Love, take my hand when I reach out into the air
Love, push me back when I feel shame
Love, be not what I want but what is best for me
Love, be cruel when I must learn the hard way
Love, do not shield me from what I do not wish to know
Love, care for me as you would your child.

Life, strike fear in my heart when I try to drown
Life, push me too close to the edge when I feel I've lost my mind
Life, thrust me forward when I feel naked and bare
Life, make me speak up when they call out my name
Life, force my eyes open when I do not want to see
Life, let it be heard what I wish they would not say
Life, uproot me when I have to wish to roam
Life, care for me as though I have never known a touch that was mild

Thus I shall Live.

I like that one much better than my other attempts, all of which are mercifully deleted.
I have a deviantArt account (does anyone else find that name incredibly ironic? Deviance into a mass movement? haha) Just so I can keep my good photographs somewhere other than taking up space on Facebook. Only one photograph, nothing special, and there will not be more until the next festival, so if you want to look it is emerllion.deviantart.com but I warn you there is quite little there. Anyone else have an account?
I am discovering a love of photography (as I believe I have said before). Going to the old Manse in Concord was great, it was a little tour of just myself, My mom, and grandmother. She is getting rather old and grumpy. I wish I could play the piano. Perhaps I could learn as I grow older...I am going to put that on my list of things to do before I die. Anyone else have a bucket list?
Went to the career center to work on resume building. I just need a normal resume, but she was very concerned about the fact that I had little to no writing experience (nothing credible, like publishing and crap). It was a very disturbing meeting - I almost cried. She made me feel better, though, as she was talking about how she herself hated her first three semesters. Oh good, I am not alone. I do not hate it here, but it is such a painful experience. I feel sick and disgusted with myself at every turn, and so alone in that aspect.
Sean and I had a sort of fight last night. He apologized, and somehow that just made me angrier. I called him back to provoke him into anger again, and nonchalantly submitted him to cruelty and abuse. I am not sure why I do that. To prove to myself that he loves me? To satisfy an inner sadistic desire? I could not understand why he did not understand my need to be furious, why it felt so good to be pissed off at the world. When you are angry you can do no wrong, and no transgressions are allowed. No one walks over you. So I did something stupid, and lost his trust. I felt horrible. Worse was that he forgave me. No punishment, just an "I forgive you because I love you." I wish he had shouted. Now, though, he is not answering when I call, so perhaps that is part of punishment. It would make me feel better, beaten after I did something bad. That is the pattern I know, and trust. This forgiveness has no place in my universe.

Настрій: down
Зараз грає: Collide : Howie Day

лютий. 17-е, 2009

06:19 pm - As you walk on by, will you call my name? Or will you walk away? Or will you walk away?

Je sent depresse encore. Le peintre y'a arrive aujhourd'hui, tant que dites les francais. Ce soir je dois avaler un pillule. J'ai toujours l'ennui avec avaler les pillules. Mais je dois, je dois. J'ai bu le lait avant la classe, et avec le peintre, j'ai senti tres mal a l'estomac et j'ai devu partir la classe. Maintainant, je souaite que j'ai dit mon professeur la raison que je part. Mais maintenant, c'est trop tard.
Ma francais est tres faible. J'ai oublie beaucoup de choses. Et je ne vois aucune raison que je devrais continuer.

Настрій: horrid
Зараз грає: Don't you (Forget About Me) : Bouncing Souls

лютий. 9-е, 2009

07:29 pm - oh baby baby. Oh baby baby. Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something was not right?


"It's almost as good as morphine! What, no!" DWB

"Evan's like, shut your mouth and get me a bandaid." DWB

"And all our stored marriages." DWB

"Erin relates to the devil." E John

Erik Erikson

"Nader is the reasons we have Bush. If he hadn't run, the liberals would have voted for Gore, and he would have won even more than he already did." C Kempf

"Isn't a baby the guy's property too, 'cuz he kinda donated?" K And

"You know what we should do? Outsource the presidency." C God

"What I really want to do is dropkick my kids." DWB

"Cheating is the best thing, and integrity stupid and non-beneficial."

"Yes, they do have integrity, but, no job." K Kunst

"Checkbooks are often between cushions on a couch." J Brech

"I have a feeling that the laser pointer merely by existing is burning my eyes out." J Brech

"We searched the whole freakin' damn house and I was pretty mad." J Brech

"You'd be a desert - 'cuz you're cruel and barren." A Non

"Playing chicken with a tank." E Chap

"As soon as you mention drugs, Chris is like, yes, I know what that is!" J McCool

"We need to start giving Nicorette gum to kindergartners." J Brech

"He thinks it's fluff. Fluffy fluff." DWB

"We'll go outside and play frisbee with the federal budget." Momo

"I'm probably against torturing prisoners." J Brech

"This guy is paid for by Cock and Cum!" J Brech

"A bunch of scientists, including one of the spice girls, a few dead people, and one or more cartoon characters, signed this petition in this place in Oregon, where they're also training for a nuclear holocaust." J Brech

"Diane?" J Brech
"Keaton." P Noor
"She's hott. Hillary Clinton? She's hott. Barack Obama? He's hott." J Brech

"The probability of failure is odd." A Mitch

"I'm a crack addict and I'm so ashamed! Gimme some more, I need to forget this shit." S Pres

"You're probability of being a successful loser, or failing to be a loser." A Mitch

"I saw a silhouette of Steven Hawking in the mist." P Noor

"Youd don't need to be watching foreplay." DWB

"Why does L fear M? Because M89." J Brech

"Do you hate Israel?" J Brech

"This is confusing the crap out of me." J Brech

"Well, aren't you dumb, Mr. Stephen Hawking." J Brech

"I shouldn't leave you hanging in the midst of centuries." P Grange

"Beware anybody who sings to their barber tools. Calls them his friends." P Grange

"That show could be called 'Whores'. Grey's Anatomy could be renamed 'Grey's a Whore'." J Brech

"80's dance workout in Matino's room." C God

"Einstein's like, yeah, Newton, you're just a result." J Brech

"LSD is not, uh, recommended." Video

"The United States vs. Butter." C God

"When I forget to take it, it gives me pins and needles in my brain." A Jac

"Harry Parter." A Jac

"All I could think aobut all weekend was the density of white dwarves." J Brech

"What if I bent the crap out of this thing? You'd be going nowhere. Nowheres." J Brech

"You know when kids spin around and then they fall down? And then you beat them with golf clubs?" J Brech

"If he even lays a kneecap on you." J Brech

"I don't have a room. I'm a nomad." E Cahp

"Fil lyou canteen with the drink of righteousness! With the combination of hott men and godly love, we will forcibly seduce Harper's Ferry into a retreat on its hands and knees. Bound together with the tightness of the tourniquet!" K Shimk, J Mil, C God, M Ham

"Are dose butt cheeks?" E Gui

"I'm bringing slinky back!" J McCool

"I was never aware that sexy was missing." C Saund

"It's not lost, I just can't find it right now." C Con

"He is one fart smucker." A Jac

"From the Renaissance to iPods." J Brech

"Tree hugging, gay marrying baby killers." DJ

"Keep going. I think we're going to come into something that makes sense."

In light of that long entry, I will add nothing more.

Настрій: farty
Зараз грає: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun : Cyndi Lauper

лютий. 5-е, 2009

08:58 pm

Simple Chinese 简单的汉语
Traditional Chinese 繁体中文
Dutch, Nederlands
French, Francais
German, Deutsch
Greek, Ελληνικά
Italian, Italiano
Japanese, 日本語
Korean, 한국어
Portugese, Português
Russian, Русско
Spanish, Español
Gaelic, Gaeltacht
Welsh, Cymraeg

Admire it. That took quite a bit to conjure, there. And I am still not 100% certain about the Gaelic one.
Sean coming by tonight. Which shall prove slightly detrimental to my studies, but only just. Tae does not yet know, but I have left her two messages and texted her; if she does not know she is being unobservant. Maybe she will stay in Jon's room.
Auditioned for ACapellics Anonymous. It went alright; I think I messed up the harmony, but ah vell. I got there early, sang shakily but while hitting all the notes, and I think I harmonized well, if not accurately. Fingers crossed for me!!!
A few other auditions lining up, but for now what I really am looking forward to is sledding on Sunday and Valkyrie!
Eek. That screech in Into the Woods is rather ghastly...it freaked me out a little the first time I heard it.
Annotating Freud for tomorrow. So far I have a few insights, but then I read the rest of the extensive reading and got nada. Could be because the three I picked out related to other texts; now I need to read zem again and pick out just random things that appeal to me. Robert seems to be taking a liking to me; could be my topic, or the fact that I am shining a tad more brilliantly now that we are actually discussing a subject I KNOW JACKSHIT ABOUT. Yay no more politics! Or at least less of them! Yay linguistics and cultures!
Making little headway on the paper...I need to photocopy the children's book and finish Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is intruiging so far. Clopin (the jester in the movie) is actually the King of the Gypsies and a very odd, scheming beggar. Frollo is a clergyman, and his brother (also Frollo, it is a last name) is a law enforcer. Quasimoto is deaf. He almost just kidnapped La Esmerelda for Frollo's purposes (the book does not say that, but it is implied), and Phoebus saved her. That is as far as I have gotten; it is a very engaging novel.
Seacrest Out.

Настрій: too bright
Зараз грає: Because : Across the Universe

лютий. 3-є, 2009

06:48 pm - So to spend a life of endless bliss...true love's kiss. (blech)

New and Recommended.
Jailer - Asa - World http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh2vqnok1OA
Stop calling me a prisoner
Let he who lives without sin be the first to throw a stone
Hey Jailer! I'm talking to you!

The Bells of Notre Dame - The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Disney http://youtube.com/watch?v=qwnh-sxaBwk
Sing the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells
Bells of Notre Dame!
(fun note - the man who does the Deacon's voice, David Ogden Stiers, is a Tony nominee)
You - Evanesence - Alternative http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeHndLg0slw
When we're together I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you I fall apart

Let's Hear it for the Boy - Footloose http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w_FVw29KXE (hooray for man dance!)
'Cuz every time he pulls me near,
I just wanna cheer
Let's Hear it for the Boy!

Holding out for a Hero - Footloose http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=torq0bVAelc&feature=PlayList&p=EBD6FA7EE49E7235&playnext=1&index=62 (turn up your volume)
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reachin' back for me

Bare Hands - Delta Goodrem http://youtube.com/watch?v=1O1nbzrb3Cw
If you never bleed, then you won't understand
Come pick me red roses with your bare hands

Angels in the Room - Delta Goodrem http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xo6K_YKrL4c (yes. I did it. Forgive my malice)
I want to stay
I feel safe here in your light
This must be what heaven's like
Must be angels in the room

Mauja hi Mauja - Jab we met http://youtube.com/watch?v=j01ycasxxts (if you do not have a dance break with this, there is something wrong with you)
Ye Ishq Hai - Jab We Met http://youtube.com/watch?v=25YDJuKJ6h4
Nagada Nagada - Jab We Met http://youtube.com/watch?v=rwhZpGb_gEw
You are My Soniya - Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham http://youtube.com/watch?v=FOyIfOIV-wg (btw, this is the Indian take on American prom)

Huzzah for Bollywood music! Makes me want to dance.
A few projects going on...trying to get Sean to come to Boston more often, going to give Allen a Viking funeral, auditioning for various things, including an a Capella group and possibly a film about Chernobyl, among others...shows are hard to come by, I think I shall try film and see if I am any good at it (yay Mike Nichols!!! The film director. Not the kid I know. Ugh), ambitions to be ambidexturous, seeing my advisor tomorrow about my minor and credits and graduating a semester early, going to career services and building two resumes (work and performance), etc. Hopefully they will get there instead of falling through, as I fear some of my other ventures will.
Wondering if I should go to the skating thingamabob tomorrow. I cannot get $6 in immediate change...and it runs very near to the HPA meeting...but I feel bad, my name is #3 of three people on the list. Eep! I will continue thinking about it (hmm...W key being mutinous...it is hardly ever the same one twice.)
Satenik was a sad, sad disappointment. Ah vell. On to other things. Seeing Hana, one of my old friends, is awkward, because we are like, "Hi!..................................um, see you later!" Maybe I will invite her to go sledding (OMS EMERSON GOES SLEDDING. I SAW A GUY WALK BY WITH SLEDS THAT SAID EMERSON COLLEGE ON THEM. WE OWN THEM. AHHHH!!!!!!)
Seacrest Out.

Настрій: crackback
Зараз грає: Have a Little Faith in Me : Many Moore

січень. 31-е, 2009

08:27 pm - Our only light in paradise. Show the world they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along.

Imbolc is one of the four principal festivals of the pagan calendar, celebrated among pagans, wiccans and other similar cultures either at the beginning of February or at the first local signs of Spring. Most commonly it is celebrated on February 2, since this is the cross-quarter day on the solar calendar, halfway between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox in the northern hemisphere. Originally dedicated to the goddess Brigid, in the Christian period it was adopted as St Brigid's Day. In Scotland the festival is also known as Là Fhèill Brìghde, in Ireland as Lá Fhéile Bríde, and in Wales as Gŵyl Fair.

Imbolc is traditionally a time of weather prognostication, and the old tradition of watching to see if serpents or badgers came from their winter dens is perhaps a precursor to the North American Groundhog Day. A Scottish Gaelic proverb about the day is:

Thig an nathair as an toll
La donn Bride,
Ged robh tri traighean dh’ an t-sneachd
Air leachd an lair. "The serpent will come from the hole
On the brown Day of Bride,
Though there should be three feet of snow
On the flat surface of the ground."

Fire and purification are an important aspect of this festival. Brigid (also known as Brighid, Bríde, Brigit, Brìd) is the goddess of poetry, healing and smithcraft. As both goddess and saint she is also associated with holy wells, sacred flames, and healing. The lighting of candles and fires represents the return of warmth and the increasing power of the Sun over the coming months.

Thank you, Wikipedia. I wonder if technically one can get sued copying and pasting articles on a blog. A blog is semi-techically publishing. So if you post and publish and do not give due citation or reference or credit...? hmmm. Thus, I mention Wikipedia.
Tomorrow is Imbolc and I have a few good things planned. Going to the liquidating Newbury, seeing Sean, eating terribly (yay doritos and soda!!), gummy bears, getting a few books, etc. Should be loads of fun. Oh, and I wrote a poem...which I want to post here...lemme get it...

The Ballad-Lament of Allen and Patches

Gone, gone, forever gone
Are the ashes bourne on the sigh of a fawn.
Innocence lost, innocence born
A new life arises as another is torn

Here lies the tale of a sorrowful soul
Who left this world tattered though he entered whole
A soul of suffering and quietude
Deepest depths of how and why, it pursued
And how he grew!
Flourished to height and colour he never knew
Could be achieved by one of his nature
Thus tall and proud stood his stature
Such was the soul, full and whole
Withstanding pain with hope of more to gain

Here the story zeniths, 'tween life and death
In that heartbeat moment no one finds until it has left

Then love, with her cruel agony
(Such suffering as he never felt, such beauty he had never seen!)
Came, with tooth and claw, to shred the youth
Giving in return affections spurned and physical reproof
Her fangs and nails tore the soul on caprice and on whim
And not a breath of protest parted from him
Thus that soul, which grew from humble roots of misery
Died worthily of love, the disease of rose and briery
Better now that he rest, for fissures are seen to manifest
On the stature that stands upright, the headstone of a soul's twilight

In the garden that lies across the river
A piece of earth shakes and shivers
The newbourne fawn stands on legs that quiver
His first footsteps shift the ground, revealing that hopeful green sliver

I need to transcribe it. It was written for my plant that was eated by Zack, the guy I had take care of him, 's cat, Patches. It is a sad day. We are thinking of giving him a Viking funeral, setting him to sea on a paper boat and lighting in on fire. Yay overdramatization! Which may not be a word, but should be.

Current Location: Boston
Настрій: reflective
Зараз грає: You are My Soniya : Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham

січень. 25-е, 2009

10:54 pm - You have broken me all the way down.

The Pope also has a Youtube Channel
# In an ongoing civil war, the Sri Lankan army captures Mullaitivu, the last stronghold of the Tamil Tigers.
# A storm across France and Spain kills 15 people with hurricane-force winds.
# Pope Benedict XVI rescinds the excommunications of four bishops consecrated without papal consent in 1988 by Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre.
# Ibuki, the world's first greenhouse gas-monitoring satellite, is launched from the Tanegashima Space Center, Japan.
# Laurent Nkunda, leader of the rebel forces against the government of the Democratic Republic of the Congo in the Kivu conflict, is arrested in Rwanda.

Hardest trivia question: What is the capital of Israel? As coined by a very interesting conversation between Lisa, Rivkin (not sure of his real name but that is what I am going to call him), Alex, Sean, and myself. That was Alex's phrase, but a great deal of the conversation was devoted to how we could make Lisa a better writer by making her suffer a great deal of divorce and addiction and alcoholism and such. This lead to a discussion of what sort of alcohol should be drank with what kind of novel (i.e. gin & tonic for British Literature on India, Rum for novels taking place in the Caribbean, Vodka for anything to do with Russia, Absinthe for Bohemian novels, etc.) which was kind of incredible. I bought a little notebook for my back pocket so I could write down conversations like this, and of course I did not have it. I curse myself. But otherwise, the little notebook has done well. I just need a place to put the pen. I may include it in Ad Ream, which has had only one more scene since I started. I need a little more inspiration to bring it forward. I like this dialogue, but I need a little more forward motion. Experience provides most of it. This may be a looooong project, at this rate.
Apparently Cotton is coming down with his friend. Why he is bringing a friend I have no idea. I guess Jack, myself, and Boston are not enough to entertain.
Two things I would like to do: look into photography a mite more seriously, but only a tad, just to experiment, and direct. I love directorial concepts, little ways of translating, and I think I may be better at that than acting. I want to try out for a few plays/organizations this coming semester, but if I do not get into anything, I will be alright. I am doomed to be uncoventional, so if all my friends are at different universities and I am compelled to sob uncontrollably every Thursday, well, it could be worse.
Seacrest Out.

Настрій: p-bomb
Зараз грає: Glory : Pippin

січень. 24-е, 2009

10:21 am - It will not hurt, no, soon, anymore. It is alright to make mistakes, you are only human.

Ave Maria David Bisbal

Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
si me quisieras, todo te daría
Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
al mismo cielo yo te llevaría

Dime tan solo una palabra
que me devuelva la vida
y se me quede en el alma

Porque sin ti no tengo nada
envuélveme con tus besos
refugiame en tu guarida

y cuando yo te veo, no sé lo que siento
y cuando yo te tengo, me quemo por dentro
y más y más de ti yo me enamoro
tú eres lo que quiero, tú eres mi tesoro

Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
si me quisieras, todo te daría
Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
al mismo cielo yo te llevaría

Sin ti me siento tan perdido
enséñame la salida
llévame siempre contigo
protégeme con tu cariño
enciéndeme con tu fuego
y ya más nada te pido, nada te pido

y cuando yo te veo, no sé lo que siento
y cuando yo te tengo, me quemo por dentro
y más, y más de ti yo me enamoro
tú eres lo que quiero, tú eres mi tesoro

Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
si me quisieras, todo te daría
Ave maría, ¿cuándo serás mía?
al mismo cielo yo te llevaría

Ave maría, dime si serás mía,
dímelo, dímelo, dímelo ya
ave maría...
ave maría...
ave maría...

Ave María!!!

Ave Maria, when will you be mine?
If you want me, I will give you everything
Blessed Maria, when will you mine?
I would take you to the sky

Give me just one word
And live returns to me
And remains in my soul

Because without you I have nothing
Enveloped in your kisses
I take refuge in you

And when I see you, I do not know what is going on
And when I have you, I burn on the inside
More and more I fall in love with you
You are what I want, you are my treasure

Ave Maria, when will you be mine?
If you want me, I will give you everything
Blessed Maria, when will you mine?
I would take you to the sky

Without you I feel so lost
Lost, no exit
I am always with you
New to your affection
Incinted with your fire
And I ask nothing from you, nothing from you

And when I see you, I do not know what is going on
And when I have you, I burn on the inside
More and more I fall in love with you
You are what I want, you are my treasure

Ave Maria, when will you be mine?
If you want me, I will give you everything
Blessed Maria, when will you mine?
I would take you to the sky

Blessed Maria, tell me if you will be mine, say it, say it, say it already
ave maría...
ave maría...
ave maría...

Ave María!!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EJNR-0N0vo I really like this song, but the music video is so HILAR.

Another Thursday breakdown. Thought of auditioning for this ridiculous health & wellness center play, did not, sobbed for two hours...progression logic? Sean's feathers ruffled by Jack, and only through secondary. Both of them view each other as such rivals; but I standing in the middle, knowing them both, do not worry. Pacienca y Fe.
Already behind on homework. For some reason I did not understand that we had to write response papers. ugh. I should have checked the late policy of the teacher. Ugh. VESID also not really cooperating the way I wish they would. I suppose I shall have to go to the bookstore and ask again, and feel/look stupid.
Having Kate was at once very comforting, annoying, stressful, and threw highlight on how few friends if any I have here. Still not sure what to do about that. I have always been an escapist; I suppose this will drive m eto explore and do more things outside of Emerson. Become more part of Boston, I suppose. Or at least I hope. I feel the best when I get out of this place. Or when I am in Honors Class, since we have become quite comfortable/used to each other there. Tiernan, who has never spoken a word to me or even looked at me twice before, confided his angst about not really knowing what to say about the reading material we were assigned. I knew I felt good in that class because I just kept talking. Sometimes I feel like I do not understand the material, but sometimes I just want to say something, and when I do it is usually right. Perhaps my subconscious understands, even if I do not. It is something to consider, quite Freudian, and he is the one I am presenting when I go, a week or so from now.
Seacrest Out.

Tags: ,
Настрій: hacking
Зараз грає: Snow White Queen : Evanescence

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